FARGO (May 12) - Women using the mens' bathroom when the womens' room line is too long is an accepted, yet barbaric American tradition. For the men, this practice has led to unspeakable mental anguish, millions of molestations, rapes, and the recently discovered Being-turned-into-a-gay-man-by-the-sight-of-a-woman-in-the-bathroom Syndrome ... we assume.
We heard a statistic, and we think this is right, that if a young boy sees a woman in a bathroom, that boy is 1,000,000% more likely to turn gay. And if all of our men turn gay from women-in-bathroom sightings, we won't be able to re-produce, America will collapse, and then who will be around to bomb the shit out of Isis?!
Wait in your own line evil temptresses! Stop invading our bathrooms and turning our sons gay or molesting people or peeing on people, or whatever we think might possibly happen to men when women are in the mens' bathroom.
If you can't hold it, just pee in your pants. There is nothing offensive about that.