Van Meter, Iowa is the home-town of RAYGUN owner/founder Mike Draper and now the home of Central Iowa's premiere bull-nuts-based festival: Testy Festy. This is the festival's first year, and Mike was honored to donate his high-school-level maturity to the name and artwork. We had to castrate a lot of great nuggets in the process, so have a ball with all the could-have-been slogans: 


Testicle Festival

Testicle Festicle

Testy Festy



Sack 'Em or Eat 'Em 

Eat a Pair 

Eat Deez Nuts

Lick 'Em, Taste 'Em, Eat 'Em


Come for the Testicles, Stay for the Company

Come for the Balls, Stay for the Sacks

Come for the Balls, Stay for the small-town Charm

Come for our Balls, Stay for our Conservative Small-town Charm

Eat Our Balls, Enjoy our Small-Town Charm

Discover our Town and Eat our Balls 


Turn Your Head and Eat

Turn Your Head and enjoy yourself

Turn Your Head, Cough, and Enjoy Yourself


Hold On To Your Balls, Eat Ours 

Balls not required 


It's Only Beastiality if the Balls are Still Attached 

Remember to Remove the Balls from Bull First

We Guarantee the Balls will not be attached to the Bull 

No Bull, All Balls 


Our Balls Are Cooked, Never Blue

Balls that won't cost your family jewels 

A Fundraiser that won't cost  your family jewels 

Snack on Ball Sacks


Find Out if there's a little seamen in there 

From Infantry to Seamen 


Where Our Privates are finally public 

Taste the Protein Pendulum 

Taste the Swingin' Beef

Swingin' Beef: It's What's for Dinner


and a little art that was, how you say, off-putting in regards to food: