Nickleback Cancels Tour, So Canada Sends Toxic Haze

Leave it to a passive aggressive people like Canadians to light their own country on fire just to get at America. When the Great Northern Menace's primary Weapon Of Mass Destruction, Nickleback, was forced to cancel their tour this year, we thought the worst had been avoided. But Canada had other plans.

Just last night, my wife went outside and said to me, "What's that smell? Is our house on fire?"

Me: "I don't know."

Her: "We better check the news."

Me: "To see if our house is on fire?"

Good news: our house wasn't on fire. Bad news: Canada! Smoke from massive forest fires was reducing air quality all the way down in Iowa. According to the lame-stream media, the haze produced would still mean, "the general population may find air quality to be acceptable." Acceptable? Hell no! I don't find any Canadian encroachment into the Midwest acceptable.


What's worse: this Canadian Haze, the How U Remind Me of oxygen, is marching further south! It hit The Dakotas, Minnesota, and Wisconsin early, causing the EPA to rate the air "unhealthy." Fargo's air in July was ranked as "the worst in the nation." It's now passed through Iowa, and is covering St Louis, southern Missouri and even Southern Illinois!

It's also reached Arkansas and Tennessee but no one gives a shit about them. 

Some people would say that this really isn't "Canada's fault," but rather natural forces like summer fires coupled with cold fronts following the jet stream. I say those people need to go back to Canada where they belong.

Why are we still at the mercy of the jet stream?!? You're telling me that we can turn corn into candy bars and batteries but we can't light a thousand acres of Nickleback records on fire, reverse the jet stream, and send the noxious gas produced into Canada? 

This used to be a great nation.