Omaha Tiger Attacks Innocent Wastoid

OMAHA (Nov 1) - A local area woman snuck into the Henry Doorly zoo late on Halloween evening with who we assume to be an equally ill-witted accomplice in order to pet a tiger. According to CNN, once she made it to the cage of Mai, an 18 year old Malaysian tiger, she put her hand in to pet him so he bit her. Everyone knows teenage boys can't be trusted but the drugs and alcohol made her think otherwise. Luckily, Mai seems to be unharmed.