(Sept 6) - The Midwest has been pulling MORE than it's share of the weight in America for quite a while now. We've won all the major wars (Illinois' Grant in the Civil War, Missouri's Pershing in World War I, Kansas' Eisenhower in World War II); we've supplied all the best presidents (Lincoln, Reagan, Obama); and we've brought the country mobility scooters, peanut butter, and Rock & Roll.
Not only have we not been getting all the Thank-You-Letters we're due, things in general are getting a little hairy in the USA at large.
We need to talk exit strategy. What if America starts tanking? Does America really expect us to save the day for it as we have so many times before with our strong leadership, charisma, and extreme good looks?
We at RAYGUN say it may be time to strike out on our own. The United States of Midwest would be the greatest country since the beginning of time.
And though we're currently landlocked and loving it, maybe we should spread our legs a little bit and merge with Canada. We'd gain direct access to the ocean, big open spaces, and legal marijuana.
Midwest: "Hey Canada, why don't we merge and be one country?"
Canada: "I don't know, Midwest..."
Midwest: "You know how badly we could beat you right?"
Canada: "Okay! Where do you want the capital to be?"
All we need now is a name. And maybe to take Colorado with us.