RAYGUN Investigates the Girl Scouts: Beloved Organization, or Secret Hotbed of Amoral Subversion?!?!
This week, the Kansas City, Kansas Archdiocese severed all connection with the Girls Scouts of the USA. From this point forward in KCK churches and schools, there'll be no Father-Daughter Dance, no women's shelter fundraisers, NO COOKIES!
The KC Star reports that, last year, the Archbishop in St Louis urged priests to drop Girl Scouts, "saying the organization was 'exhibiting a troubling pattern of behavior' and was 'becoming increasingly incompatible with our Catholic values."
Was it the Satanic Thin Mints?
Here at RAYGUN, we have several former Girl Scouts on staff. When we asked to see their "Ignore Christian Values Badge," they played dumb.
"I loved Girl Scouts," said Jen, our head designer.
Oh really?! Or is that what they taught you to say during an all-night brainwashing session at Camp Sacajawea?!
Girl Scouts activities, pledges, and even the badge names make it sound like it's all wholesome fun. Girls being together. Socializing. Going to the zoo. But when we fired up our inner-Alex Jones and took a close look at some badges, signs of trouble where EVERYWHERE.
^^^ They're spelling it out right there! If you were in Troop 666, let us know!
^^^ "Special Effects Cookies?" As if the Troop 420 sash didn't make it clear enough, these sound like they'd be Colorado confections that'll leave you curled up in the corner crying, unless you're body is ready for something like that.
^^^ A space shuttle?! We sure hope this was a Movie-Making-Badge where girls learned how the moon landing was staged.
^^^ "Thinking Day?!" Why weren't these radicals severed from the Catholic Church YEARS ago?! What's there to think about, your husband will tell you!
^^^ AH!! They taught girls how to use a calculator and ask questions?! This is worse than we thought! They die may already be cast! There is a chance that there are thoughtful, confident, knowledgable women who have infiltrated all levels of society RIGHT NOW!