Seriously, This is Real...
KANSAS (April 14) -- "Bathroom bills" and "religious freedom laws" are advancing LGBTQ-discrimination in conservative states like North Carolina and Missouri. But Kansas is showing those chumps how the big boys roll when it comes to totally fucking insane legislation: a bill is in both houses that would not only require people to use the bathroom that corresponds with the genitals of their birth, but a "genital bounty" of $2500 would be paid to anyone who spotted the wrong genitals in a bathroom.
A slow clap for Kansas that builds to a standing ovation! Your move, North Carolina! Losing businesses because of discrimination? Looking like a bunch of ass-holes? Kansas don't give a fuck.
They're building a state on the prairie that would make Ayn Rand's panties moist. Unless Ayn didn't actually have a vagina? And how would we know? After all, she was never properly vetted while entering a public restroom in Kansas.
Auntie 'Em? Uncle Henry? Prove it! Let us see your license and genitals, Dorothy! And your little dog, too!
This proposed law raises all sorts of questions besides if Ayn Rand really had a wiener. How does a state that is broke pay out genital bounties? Maybe license a reality TV show called "Genital Bounty Hunters! Kansas Edition"?
If you peep over the stall and see the wrong genitals in a bathroom, do you get in trouble for peeping, or the $2500?
Most importantly: do any elected officials in Kansas even know what Transgender is?
An Iowa state legislator, Greg Heartsill was concerned about "LGBTQ" issues. When another legislator asked what "LGBTQ" stood for, Heartsill said that he wasn't sure, because it, "Means different things to different people."
Your freedom is in safe hands, Iowa!
But Iowa's got a long way to go till it reaches Kansas. The gold standard in lunacy truly is on the Western Plains. We're selling our "Kansas: Now Inspecting Genitalia!" shirts in store and online, but this whole episode was too good for just one idea. Below are sketches of other ideas that didn't make the final cut.