Ideas We Didn't Use: Iowa State Fair

August is upon us and you know what that means: time for the sweaty, deep-fried goodness that is the Iowa State Fair. Here are a couple of ideas that didn't make the cut:


i’m just here for the food on a stick

sweat it out, iowa

where people still drink budweiser

where a chainsaw sculptor, some carnies, and a lot of people on Rascals hang out

fat animals for fat people

i’m just here for the hog balls

meet me midway”/”I’ll meet you midway

the midway: everything’s fair game(s)

that’s just powdered sugar on my nose

i won the bill riley talent show

i appreciate the fine art of butter sculpture

the iowa state fair: like funnel cake for your soul

remind me to check my blood sugar levels

food: it’s more fun on a stick!

the iowa state fair: i can’t believe i ate the whole thing

i’m just here for the east sider fights

the iowa state fair: put a stick on it

the iowa state fair: where animals win prizes for having the biggest balls

    fried food, fried carnies

    i like my industries like i like my women: varied

    i like my industries varied but my food pretty much all fried

    the family that rides mobility scooters together ….

    i like the way you handle your mobility scooter

    this food is a bit stick-y

    saw a cow be born, ate a corndog

    iowa state fair: so great they wrote a whole fucking musical about it

    fryin’ and dyin’

    come for the (quilts, cookbooks), stay for the ______ (hog balls, fried food, tractor pull)

    quilt, baby, quilt

    show me your cash crops

    parkin’ on grass and slayin’ ass

    when yards become parking lots

    your yard, i’m gonna park in it

    the iowa state fair: this is culture….. isn’t it?

    the minnesota state fair is for quitters

    suck our biggest boar’s balls, minnesota state fair

    the iowa state fair: because suck it minnesota

    the iowa state fair: where’s the musical made about your fair, minnesota? what’s that? you don’t have one? we’ll then fuck you. take prince, f scott fitzgerald and go cry at one of your nearly 11,000 lakes.

    the iowa state fair: where diets come to die

    iowa state fair: goodbye self esteem, hello fried twinkie

    is it just me or do those goat’s nuts hang waaaaaay down there? he may step on those. hey goat, don’t step on your nuts okay?

    the iowa state fair: suck it schools

    i learnt everythin i done needed to learn at the fair

    the iowa state fair: metallica played here once