Exclusive: RAYGUN Tours 'The Conservative's School of Women's Health!'

Our crack investigative team was given a tour of the most influential "medical" school in the country -- CSWH. Armed with only our note-pad, camera, and 3 handguns, we made our way into an old Hobby Lobby to discover the inner-workings of this place. 

We'd long suspected CSWH existed, because elected officials, on the one hand, fell all over themselves to assure people that they were NOT scientists and therefore could not be tasked with solving difficult scientific issues like climate change, or water quality, or environmental impact of pesticides that actual scientists had deemed harmful.

But, on the other hand, these same fellas were pontificating very specifically about women's health issues. 

Just this week, our home state of Iowa passed a 20-week abortion ban. Rep Steven Holt, a part time legislator, owner of Summer Magic Tropical Sno in Denison, Iowa, and women's health expert, assured people that the baby was "totally formed" at only 20 weeks. "I can tell you, [it] was a human being -- totally formed." 

On women's health, these gentlemen speak with a gravitas that says "7th-Year-Out-Of-Medical-School," but a knowledge of the human body that says, "Slept Through Most of 10th Grade Biology, But Filled in the Holes Watching the 700 Club and Fox News." 

Yet like all great academics, they know that they don't have all the answers. During the Iowa debate, Rep Rick Bertrand, real estate developer and women's health expert, called for announcing that "life" either begins at conception, or possibly begins 1 week after fertilization. This was similar to a debate we heard in the halls of CSWH

Their inquisitiveness was amazing!

The reading list was thorough! 

 

And the legislators even had time to address patients other needs. 

They had all sorts of new phrases we hadn't heard! 

Like "recreational abortion." Sounds fun! 

And "legitimate" rape. We wonder what forms you need to fill out!