Earlier today -- like just a few minutes ago -- my young son asked me about the old days: "Dad, was there ever a time in American history when our president didn't Tweet at 4:30AM for everyone to '(check out sex tape and past)' of a former Miss Universe contestant he harassed? If I want to be president, should I get a Twitter account and call things 'SAD!'? Do I have to 'grab 'em by the pussy,' or can I just grab their arm instead? Does this spray-tan look orange enough?"
Kids! So inquisitive. So young. I chuckled to myself and said, "C'mon over here Mike Jr, and let Dad tell you a story of the Olden Times."
And he said: "My name isn't Mike Jr."
Then, wistfully thinking of days gone by, I told Whats-His-Name that: "You don't have to bully people on Twitter to be president. In fact, in the old days, most presidents DIDN'T bully and belittle people. Most presidents, way-back-when, took the job pretty seriously. They worked hard achieve and weren't just TV celebrities with trust-funds and catchy slogans."
Son: "Really, Dad?"
Me: "Really, Jackson."
Son: "That's not my name either."
Me: "Yeah ... simpler times."
Son: "When were those days, Dad?"
Me (ruefully rubbing my chin as I contemplate): "Oh, boy, when was that exactly? .... Let me think .... Do you remember when we went to the zoo?"
Son: "Last summer?"
Me: "Yeah, last summer. That was when."
Me: "Yeah, last summer and fall. Really, any time before November 2016."
Son: "Wow! I remember those days!"
Me: "Yes indeed. They're gone now, officially as of this morning. But, you know what the good news is?"
Son: "What, Dad?"
Me: "We'll finally be able to wear that hat grandpa sent us for Christmas!"
Son: "Oh yeah! You mean the hat that says, 'Diversity = White Genocide' right?"
Me (chuckling and patting Whoever-It-Is on the head): "No, silly--"
Son: "So the 'Trump That Bitch!' one?"
Me: "Not that one either! I mean the red one with 'Make America Great Again!' We'll have to wait a couple weeks before 'Diversity = White Genocide' is a common phrase. But I like the way you think!"
Son: "I'm so excited that now I can show my love of America by complaining about how bad it is!"
Me: "That's just the custom these days, son. We need to get with the times. What else are we going to do? Set a good example of hard-work, respect for others, and striving for a future of equality and societal betterment?"
Son: "Ha! What is this, 2008?!"
Me: "Ha, ha ha ha ha!"
Son: "Ha, ha ha ha ha ha!"