Back in 2015, Mike imagined his kids reviewing his family dinners. Now, Mike has even MORE kids (well, 1 more), and other RAYGUN employees have children. We've pooled our eating experiences to create new family dinner reviews and put 3 of our favorites on bibs:
April 3, 2022: 
I said that I wanted eggs and asked if I could help make the eggs. The staff said "Sure" and then rolled their eyes when I said I needed a chair to reach the pan -- is thinking ahead too hard these days? I climbed on the chair, grabbed the spatula and accidentally flipped one egg out of the pan and onto the stove top. I could hear the staff mutter to himself, "So now I gotta clean this up?" HELLO?! Have you not read the blogs that say letting me cook is good for my creativity!? So you need to clean a little more. Boo-hoo. Also, I'm going to need you to finish making my eggs.
I'm not eating eggs cooked by a 5-year-old. The pan is covered with burn-y stuff and I heard him say, "So a little shell fell in, who cares?!" This place should be shut down.
Hello?!?!? Hello?!?!? I'm HUNGRY!! That's why I came here. Now I'm BUCKLED IN PLACE and have to sit and watch one of the staff members and some kid throw eggs around the kitchen? Where's the other staff member? The lady? Is she in the bathroom again!? Either she got some bad eggs at this place or she's on Reels avoiding me.
This place is awesome: they left the yogurt squeezies in the lowest cubby of the refrigerator door so I was able to grab the whole box while I waited for the eggs to be cooked. All you have to do is stomp on them and the top will blow open. You lose some of the yogurt to the floor, sure, but you can suck out the rest.
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April 5, 2022:
I screamed and threw food on the floor. Then I stared off into space and refused to look at them. But they STILL fed me! Great place. Highly recommend!
I have asked before, but can we PLEASE put a table in another room or something. The lady next to me should not be allowed out in public. Also, I need a phone.
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April 6, 2022:
Pretty limited menu (hope you like mashed veggies and plain puffs!). The staff just kind of talk at me and tell me that I'll "love it." But it's free, so that's a big plus since I don't have a bank account.
This place is great. The lady next to me just smiled as I ate all her plain puffs. Then the staff came back and were like, "Oh, well, look at the hungry girl who ate all her puffs" and put more on her plate! But they turned to me and asked if I wanted to try some lettuce, "Like a dinosaur." What in the hell does that mean? I'm not a dinosaur and if I were I'd be the kind that stomps houses down and roars at the humans.
Hard to concentrate on my food with the staff constantly imploring other patrons to "eat" and "please eat" and "pretend you're a dinosaur." It's a miracle this place stays in business. Here's a tip: put less time into role-play and more time into preparing food that people want to eat.
Why can't I have a phone?
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April 8, 2022:
I told the staff the toast wasn't toasted right. I guess I figured they'd LIKE TO KNOW. Instead they got all huffy and were like, "Why don't you make it yourself?" You think I'm dumb? I'm not gonna fall for that again. The last time I made my own toast all I heard was, "Don't let the butter fall in the toaster!" It's like they've never heard a smoke alarm before. But if they want to avoid that, make the toast right the first time.
April 10, 2022:
Wow, talk about a lesson in great customer service: I said I wanted yogurt with granola, so they made that, but put in too much granola (second day in a row, I might add). I pushed the bowl on the floor so they'd know they needed to try again, and then one staff person said to the other, "I can't do it tonight, why do I even try?" Then she grabbed a bag of candy out of cabinet, put it on the table and was like, "Here, just eat your Easter candy early for dinner, I guess." Amazing!
Candy for dinner!!!
Just last month they were telling me to brush my teeth more thoroughly because "the dentist isn't free." Now this? I'm getting some mixed messages around here. But: if this is how easily the capitulate when they hit rock bottom, getting a phone is going to be easier than I thought.
Oops, yeah, that smell is me. Sorry. I need someone to take me to the bathroom.
