UPDATE ON MOVE TO MEXICO: A Call From "Donald J Trump" to RAYGUN

DES MOINES (Dec 7) - Our plan is working perfectly! Private helicopter here we come (weeeee!!!!!). Our "Moving to Mexico" threat dropped on December 2nd, and only two business days later we get a call at our Des Moines store from "Donald J Trump"! 

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Now, for all you fake-news junkies, a disclaimer: 

1. Was this from Trump himself? No.
2. Was it automated? No.
3. Was this from Trump's team? We guess!
4. Was it about incentives to stay in America? No. 
5. Was it about being America's T-Shirt Ambassador to the UN? No.
6. Was it about his victory tour? Yes. 
7. Are we doing anything for the tour? No.
8. Is it still possible we'll get millions in free gov't money? Maybe!

So it looks like we better hold the order on the helicopter fuel -- for now! But we'll keep everyone updated, so stay tuned!